In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
