Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize