remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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