hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
