Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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