you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
