I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
