woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize