I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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