I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
