I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
