No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
