I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
