Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
