I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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