Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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