sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
