I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
