i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize