Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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