the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
