i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize