she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
