I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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