fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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