She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
