You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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