She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
