Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
