theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
