So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
