We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
