Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
