Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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