I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
