I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
