I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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