Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
