Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You may now shotgun with the bride
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
