i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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