I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I need to stop coming to work sober
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
