i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
