walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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