Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
