That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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