Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
