He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
