Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
