I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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