Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
