I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
