Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
