yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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