we're blogging at a bar
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
