guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We had sex on a dog bed..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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