Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize