i would punch a child for taco bell
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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