in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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