he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
