Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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