I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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