Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
