oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
why is half of my head shaved?
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