they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize