If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You're like the curious george of whores
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
