No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
