I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
