Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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