yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
