Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
