Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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