Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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